TwoHundred And SixtyEight

You can't be any worse for Me than I've already had.
I just like to know that tomorrow We will be the same.
Sticky Handprints make it Heaaaaavy Good.

TwoHundred And SixtySeven

I have Typed and Deleted this post Four times.
Words can not describe what I am Feeling.

TwoHundred And SixtySix

Those Girls with Their Slow Metabolisms and Fast Appetites.

TwoHundred And SixtyFive.

Life In Film.
Florence And The Machine.
Bombay Bicycle Club.
Peter and The Wolf.
The Maccabees.
Camera Obscura.
Noah And The Whale.
Bon Iver.

Sing Me To Sleep.

TwoHundred And SixtyFour

Oh Sorry did You not Get My Message?
(Pause)
I'm running away.
(Pause)
Yes, that's right.
(Pause)
No... No, it's not strange.
It's needed.
(Long Pause)
Yes. That's right.
Alright Then.
(Pause)
Goodnight.

TwoHundred And SixtyThree

Yeah Yeah Yeah.
I Dyed My hair.
I don't feel Christmas-sy.
At all, Like.
It's weird, I'd like to be in the Mood. But My head's too Full.
Oh Yeah and Steph's Home.
Plush Time.

TwoHundred And SixtyTwo

It's a funny thing.
Today has been so Long.
And tomorrow will be just as Long.
But All that I think about is You.
And what You're doing.
I just want to See You.
So that My days aren't so Damn Long.

TwoHundred And SixtyOne

Getting Ready To Go Out Is Sometimes More Fun Than Actually Going Out.
Am I Right?

TwoHundred And Sixty

It Hurts, I know. Trust Me Girl, I know.
Everyone has bagage, but His seems to titter around.
"The sixth year bagage." Somebody laughs then. And I smile because it's Polite.
From afar You would think They were all great Friends.
Not at All. It seems.
The Girls are all a bit sticky, and booby.
And She just Glares and watches. Bumping past, lips curling, eyes rolling.
Get a Grip. I want to Say, want to Scream infact. Tell Her to Get Away.
But I can't. I wouldn't.
I have more Class than that.

TwoHundred And FiftyNine

This is a Zara blouse.
Since I started working in Miss Selfridge/Topshop it has been the only piece of clothing that I have bought which hasn't been from Topshop or Miss Selfridge.
Did Anyone see VOGUE yet?
I want to Cut All of My hair when I see Emma Watson, but I dont think My body would cope. And I don't think I'm thin enough for the Twiggy-esque look.
Black tights are a new staple, I also bought a leather jacket, well Mi Madre did, for My Christmas. But Ofcourse I've already had it On. Haha.
It's pretty lovely.
It official now, Me and He put a little label on It. Well no, He did. He decided. And All I need now is The Viveen Westwood Bag and I am complete.

TwoHundred And FiftyEight

I'm going to get lost in Leather, and Denium and Fur linning, with some Sheer and Lace.
I'm going to wash My hands in cold water and watch Them turn to Ice.
I'm going to pout and nod My head, I'm going to strut.
I'm going to eat only cake, and drink only wine.
I'm going to roll around in Heat and Lust.
I'm going to Clap My hands, and Move My hips.
I'm going to Let You take over, with Power and Force.
I'm going to Let it Be.
I'm going to Work and work and work, and then stop.
Im going.
Going.
Going.
Gone.

TwoHundred And FiftySeven

My Sister texts Me on the days that I haven't seen Her, to let Me know How long it's been since We last Spoke.
She's very sweet, She's very cute. And She's all mine.
Mwhahahahaha!

TwoHundred And FiftySix

He keeps telling Me that He isn't going anywhere.
Nowhere, isn't going.
And This makes Me Happy.
Finally.

TwoHundred And FfityFive

TwoHundred And FiftyFour

Did You know that it means. "We Just Dance."
Nothing More.
Nothing Less.

TwoHundred And FiftyThree

Stromae "Alors On Danse"

TwoHundred And FiftyTwo

Look at You, You're just a Shade.

TwoHundred And FiftyOne

I would like to Escape My Own Mind.
To claw My way out of Myself and to Live away from what engulfs Me now.
Crawling on My belly I'd seep into the shaddows and leave this shell behind.
I am tired of My ways, tired and sore of Living with the disappointment of My being.
Dark forests could hide Me, near a place I once knew as Home. Animals would shelter Me, as I sulk in a mood.
There would be no need to call or write or talk. It would be as though I had been set Free.
I imagine it's like Dying. Like being close to dying. Wanting to Escape, with no way or need to come Back.
My brain thinks about it, thinks about Dying, quietly. Quietly I think about Dying. Perhaps I would feel free, Perhaps.

TwoHundred And Fifty

"You're waiting on a train; a train that will take You very far away. You know where You hope this train will take You, but You can't be sure. But it doesn't matter - cause You'll be Together."

TwoHundred And FortyNine

"Do You realize what I would Do?
Just to be near You?
Just to feel You close to Me?
Do You?"

Everything goes quiet then, as They realize where They are.
What They are saying. The Silence blankets Them.
And She starts crying.
It's all very Sad as He starts to walk away.

TwoHundred And FortyEight

You want to know, Know that it doesn't hurt Me.
You want to Hear about the Deal I'm making.
Well I can't tell You. I can't even breathe. I'm holding My breath.
I'm sitting and waiting. I'm letting Them all Pass by Me.
While I wait on You. It's starting to Hurt all over My body.

TwoHundred And FortySeven

It's numbing this feeling.
This strange distance which races closed.
The light hits the Face and suddenly it's Everything You've ever Wanted.
It's all about Praise and Attention
And that's We do, with this Skill.



I can Cry on Cue.

TwoHundred And FortySix

Topshop Dresses and Miss Selfridge Leathers.
Cigarette smoke and toxic kissing, with furry hats and grunge hair.
Walking to Tesco and falling asleep in Grandfather's Chair.
Money or lack of such. Discounts and freebies.
Wrapped in blankets in His car, swollen face and tooth ache.
Christmas films too early and soft daft snow.
Shots of southern comfort and walking to Downtown.
Curing broken hearts and mending dry lips.
Playing Chicken and filling out thick application forms.
Having the awkward hello with the thin brother.
Being Principal Boy, thigh slapping, awash buckling hero.
Leather shorts, Hunter wellies, faux Barbour and fur trimmed socks.
The prospect of Teeth Whitening Kits. The Idea Of Falling In Love.
Nike Joggies and Uggs. Forgetting Who You were and knowing Who You Are.
Running for the Bus. Missing the Bus. Drunk, cocktails. Drunk, shots. Drunk, Miller.
Reversing, hangovers and cups of tea, Get in's and Dress Rehersals.
Fixing colars, Sheer Blouses and Mum's hand made bands.
Long Blonde Hair made to look Short. Waiting For Friday.
Being This Happy.
Loving Every Bloody Minute.

TwoHundred And FortyFive

Silence Please, Cause I've got something to say.
But You're not listening.
And I can call and call, text and write and You won't talk back.
The more I shout, the more I hesitate.

TwoHundred And FortyFour

Suddenly, out if nowhere Your life revolves around the next time You may see Them.
A week melts away, no longer seven days, but just spaces of time until You're together again.
It's not days and nights either but breaks and pauses between sleep and the waiting.
It can drag or fly past. You don't really feel like eating and when Your head meets Your pillow, You eyelids squeeze themselves shut, as You pray for the wall that seperates Your wait to fall down over You.
It's hard to describe and it's hard to ignore, difficult to make Someone understand. But They do, They must.
And although it drives You mad, it keeps You sane. Keeps You beating.
It helps You realize what was Real and what was a Trick.

All the others Before.
They were Tricks.

TwoHundred And FortyThree

I don't care what anyone else thinks.
You are waaaaaaay too handsome for Me.

TwoHundred And FortyTwo

On Your knees, will You Pary for Me?
I'm awfully worried, and feel like I'm faling very very slowly.
But I'm falling all the same.
It is rather exciting because it wasn't searched for.
Not even a little bit.
If I dide before I wake,
I would be very happy.

TwoHundred And FortyOne

All I want to do is listen to Pon De Floor and tell You to shut the Fuck up.

TwoHundred And Forty

You see I had forgotten Where all My sense had Gone.
And then I remembered I had left it with You.

TwoHundred And ThirtyNine

I thought I'd give You something to read.

I need to fill You in on a few things.
And to be honest, I hope that You can understand or at least, Help Me Out.
I'm about to break an Unwritten Law of My very Own.
I'm gunna write the wee story as if You and I are sitting in the 24hour Tesco on a freezing cold night in Joggies and Hoodies, in Your wee car with Lil' Wayne singing away.
I'm going to look You straight in the eye and 'fess up.

So, remember My blog about the Text, and about
the boy's in the text. And how, that night after reading the creepy text I met a nice Boy called R.
And we hit it off and it was lovely. He's really nice, like, he is.
But something felt, too dull. It was just waaaay too easy.
So I was quite pleased though, because Ross was lovely, and I liked him alot.
Well, atleast I thought I did.
So then, One of the boys who was mentioned in the text, G, was confronted by a very Mad E at Plush the Sunday after this Saturday and He was mortified, and in His ashamed state he emailed me to appologise ....
So We got talking back and forth a few times, and then He asked for My number...
Now in My head, You would interupt Me here, and then I would tell You
"Wait, let Me finish - Gohd"
Right so He got My number and we text a good few times and then He asked Me to Do something On the saturday,
I hummed and hawed over it. I just wasn't sure.
But I said yeah.
So the week progressed and I was texting R and G... yeah I'm not proud either.
And on the Friday I was going to see Saw with R, which was cool, We had a really cosy night, and I felt pretty settled. And like I had kind of decided that if and when I did see G it wasn't gunna come to a head. (You would laugh at this)
That's not what I mean, You creep.
Like it wasn't going to come to anything.
And then Saturday came, and I had thee most fun.
It was just nothing like I expected.
At All.
He just wasn't who I thought He was.
And oh, can He kiss.
And for the first time since He Who Shall Not Be Named, I felt something when I kissed him.
And then I went to R's on Sunday and just couldn't get into the same frame of mind. Could'nt not feel guilty, or sad, or not-his.
It had happened. I had totally lost what I needed.
And now all I had was want.
Then on Sunday I saw G, and we drove and drove, and then I confessed, like I am now, and He seemed, kinda sad, But he told Me things.
About Himself, and About who He is and what He wants.
He tells Me He likes Me and that I make Him Happy.
He tells Me pretty much every night before I fall asleep.
And I like it. Alot.

Now, in the car something Could happen.
Part of Me thinks You're gunna be so mad, and You'll think I'm stepping on toes and You'll want me to just leave it. Leave it all alone.
And another Part of Me thinks that You'll smile and nodd quietly and shake it all off and not care.
I just wish I knew.
So then No matter what I would be trying to make you laugh, and hoping We could go into Tesco and Buy sweets.

Please, because I've wanted to tell You all week.
And all I want to do is drive over and See You so You can either Shout at Me or Give Me a cuddle.
And that I can try and make You feel even a little bit better.

That's all I want.

TwoHundred And ThirtyEight

Juggling, is an art form in it's own right.
But it always helps to know what You are Juggling.
You wouldn't let a Blind Man Juggle sharp objects without letting Him know,
Would You?
No.
So how is this different?
E supports one side, which I think Your face would twist at.
And no one knows the other to support Them.
My guilt is slowly crippling Me.






And I don't know how to Juggle.

TwoHundred And ThirtySeven

Haha, What a disappointment You turned out to be.
Let's see how fast the Phone rings now.

TwoHundred And ThirtySix

This My way of saying Goodbye.
Cause I can't do it face to face,
I'm talking to You before,
No matter what happens now,
You shouldn't be afraid.
Beacuse I know today has been the most perfect Day I've ever seen.

TwoHundred And ThirtyFive

It all happened very fast.
But I was there, with sober breath and tired thoughts and My feet were ddddancing.
And there He was.
Boy from; Train, Pub, general Ek-ness.
Dark short hair, Dark brown eyes, sallow skin. Chunky Grey Cardigan, white tshirt, Nice blue jeans, Cons.
He want's to talk.
And we talk and talk, and Go home and make cups of tea and watch The Hills.
Exchange number, and then, say Goodnight.
"Goodnight,"
"Night."
And on Sunday We meet to eat chinese food and watch The Xfactor and The Only Way Is Essex.
He's quiet, and He's a wee bit older, but, He's Lovely.
He says his R's funny.
Almost skipping them in some words, like arm and pretty.

But I'm pretty damn happy as We wrap arms.

TwoHundred And ThirtyFour

I love this picture because it makes Me laugh.

TwoHundred And ThirtyThree

I watched His wildest dreams come true and not one of the involving You.
I did You know, it's happened right infront of Me, it's Crippled You and You bloody know it.
Look at You now, You seem so sad.
Maybe You deserve it.

TwoHundred And ThirtyTwo

Bank Robber and A Carrot.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

TwoHundred And ThirtyOne

Want You to make Me feel Like I'm the Only Girl In the World.
Only Girl In The World.

TwoHundred And Thirty

From Sean Kelly to Sean Thompson
7/11 1.47 am

" Stay away from Claire Marshall, She's for Me, Greg and Nick"

Well no one told Me.
Massive sad face.

TwoHundred And TwentyNine

I can't decide if I should Laugh, Cry or Punch Someone in the face.
I think it's just lack of sleep and working so much.
Maybe I just need a big cuddle and someone to be really nice.
I'm missing lots of Things today.

TwoHundred And TwentyEight

A white Blank page. And a swelling Rage.
Rage.

TwoHundred And TwentySeven

I need to say this.
You are a terrible Friend.
Sometimes.
Sometime's it's like havingg a conversation with Myself.

TwoHundred And TwentySix

Quick! You're going to be Oh so Late!
Please! Hurry!

At first I was Alice and then the Mad Hatter, and then I made my hair into ears and TaDa!

The White Rabbit.

TwoHundred And TwentyFive

But if You try to go Alone.
Don't think I'll Understand.

It's all very difficult isn't it?
So tricky, I think, to find a balance in everything whilst lots of things are changing.
I can't even look right now.
I'm too mortified for You.

TwoHundred And TwentyFour

I like to paint faces.
It has to be said.
I also just finished a sketch book and it makes Me want to cry and cry and cry.
I feel like someone has just flipped a massive switch.
The creative juices, they are... flowing?

TwoHundred and TwentyThree

Wednesday.
Morning to be exact, blurry eyes and mouth dry.
It's weird to hear from You.
But I'm excited nonetheless, this weekend shall be interesting.

Honestly.

TwoHundred And TwentyTwo

Tuesday.
Drinks with the oldest of the old.
He and I were disappointed with Broken Hearts, they were more painful than We had expected. So we lingered in Limbo together, walking through it all, until love rescued us once again.
It's happened a few times, or at least We've though that Love had graced Us with it's presence.
It's fair to say We have always been Mistaken.
It's always going to be You and I, isn't it?
White Russians and Cascades, Tennessee Iced Tea's and Three berry Mojitos.
In the Hummingbird's Hut, under dimmed lights, lips part and heat rushes.
Why does it always feel so Normal?
Back in the taxi, fingers laced and eyes glazing over. Tired Eyes never saw something so wonderful.
Stubble and beard and blue eyes. White teeth and small mouth.
Lying down, and feeling like the Limbo might be over.

Wake-Up, We've reached the other side.

TwoHundred And TwentyOne

Sunday.

Rehearsing; sword fights, cups of tea, and Men in tights.
This is not a complaint, the 4 hours I spend wasting time, are 4 hours well and truly deserved. I love every single second of it, messing around with others who are so dramatically gifted. It's a blessing to be a Girl playing a Boy who is so heroic and brave and who, eventually falls in love with a Girl.

Texts; Oh sweet lord.
It's exhausting keeping up with M,honestly.
For weeks and days there will be no word. Not even a small Hello on Facebook's screen. I become completely accepting and have adjusted to the reality, that the nice giggling M and I have nothing tying us together. And then what Happens?
Texts.
Out of the blue, out of absolutely nowhere.
Needing to see me? Wanting to meet?
Why? Can't you tell Me?
No? You just want to Chill?
Well.... OKay then.

Bus journey's; Shaking hands.
He's standing in blue when I get off the bus and a wide smile spreads across His Young face. Like no time has passed, like nothing has changed. Like it was only Yesterday.

Kissing; Sometimes I love kissing. But not now, not right now.
Pressure, intense and disappointing when it doesn't happen for you.

Oh Darling, Did You forget who I was for a While?

TwoHundred And Twenty

Boredom is eating away at my brain.
A 9 till 4 shift all on my own is just too ridiculous.
It makes My Soul ache.

Although, I've got some interesting news. Updates If You will.

Two Hundred And Nineteen

The World At Large.
Why should I remain?

Sometimes I don't understand anything. Even what people are saying to Me, it just washes over.
No real grasp of whats going on.
No understanding of the meaning.
I want to ask many questions, simple and difficult and I would like to hear only the answers that I want and need.
If someone could write down the directions for everywhere I will ever go.
And when someone says "I want to be completely honest,"
I just want to say, that You can't ever be.
My head feels heavy tonight.

My thoughts are so loud I can't hear my mouth.

TwoHundred And Eighteen

Radiohead, oh God.
The absolute desperation, in every word and every phrase.
A couple of things, My weekend sucked and I went shopping.

Clothes. Ah, clothes will Always make me happy.
I can't wait to wear them. To mix and match them, to buy them.
Crushed velvet and delicate chiffon.
My best friends.

TwoHundred And Seventeen

Camera Obscura.
I've became too afraid of doing this in public.
We need to get over Ourselves.
And stop being so Art-faggy.
Or stop labelling it as being Art-faggy.
It isn't.

And so what If I want to wear a barbour and a top-knot.
Screw You.

Two Hundred And Sixteen

I feel like I haven't blogged properly in ages.
I've got some sweet news though.

You are now reading the very words of a Miss Selfridge/Topshop Employee.
It's all very exciting.
I have been somewhat *ill* however, lots of vomitting. Including vomiting during My interview.
Yep. That's right. Luckily, I did make it to the toilet.
And luckily I'm all better.

But still, time for some poetic blogging?

I bet You're sick of this Chat.
Mhm. Me Too.

TwoHundred And Fifteen

I'm quite excited about this week.
Even although there is nothing happening.

However I am;

Applying to colleges, going to an interview, working lots and maybe getting my hair done.

Note to self; Buy Lipcoat.

TwoHundred And Fourteen

The First Of The Gang To Die.

In thought, I die young. It's always been niggling away.
But how old? How old is old?
How selfish would it really be? If it made it all better.

TwoHundred And Thirteen

Everyone At the Barra's shouts and shouts and shouts and swears and spits and speaks in tongues. I loved it.
So much beauty in the Glasgow Scum.

Something has happened and I've decided that I need to just. Cheer Up.

C'mon Hen, s'no so Bad.

TwoHundred And Twelve

The Glasgow Necropolis 9th October 2010


The Body Is The Fleshy Tomb That Keeps Thy Soul On Earth

TwoHundred And Eleven

Maria, Maria, Maria.

TwoHundred And Ten

I remember feeling this way before, in some sort of fake life.
That I've forgotten.
Thats not a part of me anymore.

The strange excitement of being so desperate to be able to see the deep dark parts of someone.
To touch and see and taste.

Oh God.

TwoHundred And Nine

Friday.
Friday.
Friday.
Friday.
Friday.
Friday.
Friday.
Friday.
Friday.

TwoHundred And Eight

I can't take the pressure.

Man up. Yes You Fucking Can.

TwoHundred And Seven

You should get this written somewhere on Your body.
In deep black Ink.
Not because You are these things.
But because You need to remember these things.

"Im selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control, and sometimes hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as Hell don't deserve me at my best."
- Marylin Monroe.

TwoHundred And Six

When Elmo isn't Ticklish,
When Pooh Bear hates Honey.
When Tiger stops bouncing,
And Goffy isn't Funny.
When Peter Pan can't fly,
And Simba never Roars.
When Alice can't fit through tiny Doors
And then when Happily Ever After isn't True.

Then,
Then I'll Stop Loving You.

TwoHundredAndFive

I'm not playing a game with You. Just to Show how to get ahead.
Like any weak Man would do to hide He's loosing.

TwoHundred And Three

Creep.
That's all You ever Are. Were. Will Be.

TwoHundred And Two

Sometimes in the Dead of night, I stir and wake.
At first I cannot see, at first I ignore to see who Lies beside Me in the bed,
The outline as
Their tender face slips away becoming nothing but tricks of the Moon and Her clever light.
Imaginery People are the most difficult to forget.

I sleep to escape these days, I wake to forget My sleep.

TwoHundred And One

I want You. I want You so Bad.
I want You.
I want You so Bad, it's drivin Me Mad.
It's drivin Me Mad.

Please, please. Please.

TwoHundred

Hail the Wondering Heart-Broken

What are You looking for, In amoungst this dark and dismal night?
The stars above are whispering about You and Your changing face.
You will not find a Cure here Lover.

Nope. Not at all.

OneHundred And NinetyNine

I'm in work all by myself today, till like 4.

****BIG PPETTED LIP FACE****

sigh.

OneHundred And NinetyEight

I'll never Talk again.

Not after this. I don't think I'll ever even kiss again.
Not properly.
Not with heat and intensity.
Why waste it?
Why?

It's over. Me and B. It's easier, and my back feels lighter. It was not meant to be.
I'm so exhausted from pretending that it was.
I just want Him back.

I'll never Love again.

OneHundred And Ninety-Seven

It's all so Bad.
Out of Nowhere I'm surrounded by nothing with no one.
But I'm choking.
Really badly, the air is leaving Me.
I can't breathe.

I can't believe You left me here.
Come back.

Come Back and Get Me.

OneHundred And NinetySix

And it goes on and on and on.

OneHundred And NinetyFive

There's a small part of Me, that whenever I see Their name flash on My phone wants Me to through the damn thing away. Stomp on the screen, delete the damn number.

I don't think about Them when they aren't around. I remember them. Somthing flicks past in my head, but I do not dwell on Their face. Do not think of what They have done, or what They are doing.

Until They phone, or write.
And suddenly.

I just want Them to Leave Me Alone.

OneHundred And NinetyFour

Theyr'e not blue His eyes, and They aren't green.
They change all the time. I hate it.
I hate that I can't say exactly what they are.
But I love that when I close My eyes over, and picture His smiling face.
I can see exactly what colour They are.
Wild and Happy.

He's so tall too, so tall and smart. His clothes always smart and His car never clean. White teeth, white white teeth that make mine seem yellow and dull.
Strong arms and curly hair. He's just so tall.

And He surprised He. He just turns up to see Me. To watch me dance around and feel a fool. He wants to be proud of Me. Like I am of Him when He plays, when He runs and trains hard. Smiling and chatting. He seems so pleased.

Dancing around tesco and sleeping in till 12.
We like to show each other off.

We like to be a We.

I wish I could show You all the colours that I see.

OneHundred And NinetyThree

We moved house.
No,
We moved home.
Try Again.
We were Evicted from Our House.
One More time.
Okay, fine.
We were Evicted from Our Home.

It's a funny thing, but it didn't bother Me. I haven't been too sad. Although boxes still lie in my room full of old fading fabrics. I seem to have no need for anything that could remind Me.

I've noticed that all I want is for us to be happy.
I don't care where Our home is.
It could be on the Moon, it could be in a shack. It could be in a tent opposite a dump.
As long as I can say that My family will be there. And always will be.

We have been lucky though.
Our new Home is rather lovely.
And it has been a great way to shake off the EastKilbride Hang-ons.

See Ya Suckers.

OneHundred And NinetyTwo

You know how at the beginning of some television shows there is a small clip to wet the apetite or to remind You of something that's already happened in the Show?

I'm going to need to write One, or Two or Three.

Because suddenly quite alot has happened.

Previously on insert witty Name here ....

OneHundred And NinetyOne

Ways to Escape Uni.

I feel I could write the book, on running away and playing the sacred game of Hide and Go Seek.
Luckily though, they do not care to Seek after Me anymore.

OneHundred And Ninety

I Hate This.
I Hate having to decipher and having to guess.
I hate knowing, and You don't know I know.

It's too hard.
And I keep blacking Out.

OneHundred And EightyNine

The Water Come Drown Me, I'm Done.

The water reaches nearly to the brim and I let My body sink deep, deep in.
I scrub and scrub.
Away washes His dirty, smokey hands. His Memory, the thought of being His girl.
And away goes the feel of Tight Hugs and Sore Hands.

My Skin is Clean and I don't want Either of You to Ruin Me Again.
Please don't do it.

But We can still Be. Even though the Waters Gone.

OneHundred And EightyEight

All I would like is some sleep.
Let Us sleep for OneHundred years.
Or even just till Monday.
I can't wait to leave this place. And get away from all these people that I hate.
I hate EastKilbride.
And I can't wait to say that I don't live there.

OneHundred And EightySeven

I'm tired.
I'm so tired.
I am so tired.
I am so so tired.

But My head keeps whispering slurred words of the Memory.
And I keep hearing this voice in My ear.










I needed to be selfish, for myself.
Sometimes people need to do what's right for them.


I need to do what's right for Me.
Need to do what's right for Me.
To do what's right for Me.
What's right for Me?

OneHundred And EightySix

All My things are packed.
And I threw away a lot of things that were weighing Me down.
EveryOne is exhausted. But not upset, No...
Not Anymore.
We now all know where We stand.

OneHundred And EightyFive

Baby You Can Have Whatever You Like.

OneHundred And EightyFour

White T-Shirts.
Vaseline.
Dry Shampoo.

Make quite a Good Picture.
Thanks Man.

OneHundred And EightyThree

It's only been a Year Man,
It feels like So Long.
That scares Me, Where the heck is it all going?
You know, Time?
I feel We're Running Out.

OneHundred And EightyTwo

You Should Come And See This New Adventure.

OneHundred And EightyOne

Can You See Me?
I know what I'm doing, it's been My whole Life since I was this Wee Size.
I've not Grown much Eh?

OneHundred And Eighty

This has been My Wake-Up Call the last few Mornings.
I'm upset that I can't paint the way He can.

OneHundred And SeventyNine

So there's alot to say, to tell to Give Away.
First of All;

Everything here is sort-of Crumbling.
Everythings Old and Worn and Everybody wants to leave.

So we're Going.

Second;

I didn't think I'd laugh so much on the Phone.
But I did.
You Man, haha, you make me Laugh.

Third;

I'm not going back to Uni.

I don't Think.

OneHundred And SeventyEight

They say She Slept for One Hundred Years.
And that Her hair was like the sun, Her lips as red, as the red, red rose.
They said that A Kiss would Wake Her.
And that They would Live Happily Ever After.

I don't want to sleep.
Or have lips so red.
I do not need a kiss to Wake Me
I just want to Live

OneHundred And SeventySeven

Laying it on Thick.
They're so bloomin' good at it.
Telling the story, for Those who don't know.
Filling Us All in, incase we had forgotten.

They're just waiting for Someone to Ask the all Important Question.
So that They can answer and Ruin Something else.
It's like a Dance, and only They and I know the Steps.

OneHundred And SeventySix

Answering the phone to the unknown.

'Clara, it's Me'

That's all I've been needing.

And I get off the phone and nothing seems as Dull as Before.
My Chest and Back feel loose and light.
My Mouth it Mumbled for the First time in a Long time.
You can't Beat It, can't Beat the feeling of Finding The Missing Piece.
Someone once said we were the answer to Each Other.

'Thank God It's You'

OneHundred And SeventyFive

My First Kiss Went A Little Like This

OneHundred And SeventyFour

I can't really.
I mean.
Big Giant Sigh.

Lips and Teeth and hot hot heat against our cold skin.
Lie after Lie after Lie after Lie.
It's all very confusing.
Suddenly I just want to...

OneHundred And SeventyThree

Dead.
Yep.
My Computer has Died.
Therefore I've Lost Every Single Picture.

And I'm kinda Glad.

OneHundred And SeventyTwo

I like being on my Own.

It's easier,

OneHundred And SeventyOne

The tennis balls roll of the bed, bouncing against the soft carpet.
I Don't Remember how I got Here.
I really can't.
Can't remember how I got to feel this way,
To be so lost in everything thay surrounds me.
To not know who You are.
Or Why You drag me around.
Theres nothing that I don't know, until You re-write it again.
I may not Know how I got here.

But I do know how to Escape.

OneHundred And Seventy

I can't say anything Right.

OneHundred And SixtyNine

I don't like Kissing.

Stop it You're Hurting Me.

OneHundred And SixtyEight

I don't even know if I want to Go now.
I'm more in the Mood for sticking on some jeans and making cakes.
Please don't make me put on Heels and bruch My hair.

Uch.

Maybe it will be fun.

OneHundred And SixtySeven

Since this all broke down,
I haven't been able to Sleep.
I lie with Eyes closed and hands limp but My head can't settle.
There is nothing to be said now,
But these Lips keep twitching,
Excuses to make It all okay.

I didn't Sleep.

Where is My Sleep?

OneHundred And SixtySix

Blogging in Work?
Hahaha Yes.

OneHundred And SixtyFive

Hot Hot Hot Sweat Sweet
Wet Wet Wet Red Heat

In the middle of it all, I only want to Understand Myself.
Confuse Me, Bite Me, Ruin Me.
Make Me cry, make My heart race.
Break it all up.
Glue it back together.
Fuck Off.
Then come running back to Me,
Tell me in whispers and screams that You want Me.
Let Me eat the forbidden fruit and Lovr every Bite.
Give up on Me and My self-loathing.

Most already have.

OneHundred And SixtyFour

I'm sad to say it's over.

It's not really what I thought would happen.
But then, should I have expected Anything else?
I don't know.

Perhaps it all happened too Quickly.

Perhaps I just wasn't Good Enough.











Lets face it.
It's probably the Second One.

OneHundred And SixtyThree

Maybe.
I should Cut You Loose.

I think thats what You Want.

Maybe.
You're just too Scared to it Yourself.

Hurry Up. I'm not gunna wait All Night.

OneHundred And SixtyTwo

One More Drink Before We Go.


It's not a waste.
It's an experience to be that way.
Waking Up,
I don't know where anything is.
My watch and My dignity.
Dirty Bed Hair,
and
Dark Bright Eyes.

EveryOne seems to have Lost it.
Haha.
Especially You.

OneHundred And SixtyOne

Where would I be?
Where would You be?

Probably still in Plush.

OneHundred And Sixty

I'ma Millionaire

I'ma Young Money Millionaire

OneHundred And FiftyNine

Forget this.
I don't want to be like,
Right, no wait.

You should apologise.

Should You?

Yeah You should, You should at least say Something.
Cause if You don't.
What's the point Man?


Fuck This.

OneHundred And FiftyEight

Wee, sleekit, cowran, tim'rous beastie,
O, what panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murd'ring pattle!

I'm truly sorry Man's dominion
Has broken Nature's social union,
An' justifies that ill opinion,
Which makes thee startle,
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,
An' fellow-mortal!